My Son
by lrhaboggle
Summary: As the memories return to the Community and remind everyone what it means to love, one woman in particular finally understands what her son truly means to her.


"Your son! You felt that!" Giver cried, turning to Joans' mother. She looked away from him and the others in shame. She hated being reminded that the disobedient boy who was currently jeopardizing the whole Community was her son. And yet… and yet, even as the shame engulfed her mind, something else pierced her even deeper. "Your son! You felt that!" Giver had cried to her, reaching out in sheer delight. She already knew what he had meant. He was referring to the concept of love. It was the very thing she had called "outdated" and "wrong" just because its definition was not precise enough to belong in the vernacular of a true Community member. Now, she felt so dirty and wrong for having done such a cruel thing. She didn't know how or why, but suddenly, her shame turned away from Jonas and towards herself. Somehow, during Giver's speech about love and memories, something changed within her and she bitterly regretted the moment she had told Jonas that love was obsolete.

Suddenly, it was like a light had been switched on in her mind. She could see _everything_. She could see the life of every being that had ever once walked this world. She could see laughter and joy. She could see pain and sadness. She could see hatred and love. She could _feel_ it too. It was something too impossible for words alone to describe, but it was still so very real. Without understanding what exactly it was or how she might even begin to describe it, Jonas' mother realized that she was finally feeling love.

"My son. I felt that," she whispered to herself, tears running down her face now. "My son. My son. _My son,"_ she repeated, and suddenly, she saw her little boy, toddling around the house and giggling, always coming when she called. In her mind's eye, she was revisiting every day she had ever shared with Jonas. He was waddling around, giggling and pointing at the world around him. He was running to her open arms, crying because he'd hurt himself playing catch with Asher. He was standing proud and tall on his first day of school. He was standing even taller on his last day when his Ceremony of 12 was finally within the year. She could see his face, changing and maturing. She could hear his voice deepening. She could see him go from a playful kid who never stopped asking questions to a quiet and polite young man who was still so very interested in the world around him. Every second she had ever spent with him flashed through her mind in the blink of an eye.

The tears came quicker as she continued to think about her son with memories of him and countless other mothers and children flickering in her mind at the same time. All she could think of was how cowardly and blind and stupid she had been. How heartless and wrong she had been. She could hear herself calling him a traitor and a danger behind his back. She could see herself going up to Chief Elder, surrendering his life and freedom to her out of confusion and ignorance. Jonas had not been the villain, she had been! She was his mother. She was supposed to always love him. And now she had been so cross with him that she had pretty much placed a death sentence upon him. Even though he managed to escape that fate, he still wasn't faring very well. Because of her, Jonas was far from home and on the brink of death.

Jonas' mother had never regretted anything so much before as she did now, thinking about all the things she could've done differently and all the ways she could've been better. It was horrible, but all she could ask was if he would live to see another day. She hated to think that she was back here, safe in the Community, while he was somewhere so very far away. He could so easily be suffering and dying and she wouldn't know. She was such a fool for trying to dismiss love. She was such a coward for not protecting her child. The word "shame" did not describe what she felt accurately anymore. But love did. _That_ word described what she felt. It was a love tinged with guilt and grief, but it was still love, shining brightly as the colors she could finally see.

Love. Giver was right. Love was neither weak nor obsolete. Only the people who had the nerve to try and conceal or destroy it were weak. Love was vital to life, however unexplainable, and she saw that now.

"My son," she whispered yet again as she finally found herself hoping that he'd succeed in his dangerous quest and come home to her again. "I'm so proud of you and I hope you know that I love you," she murmured, eyes closed as she saw his beautiful face imprinted on her eyelids. She could finally feel him becoming imprinted on her heart. It was beating again and it felt wonderful. "My son…"

 **AN: Inspired off the movie scene when the memories return and you can see Jonas' mother clearly crying in understanding. I like to think it's because she's finally truly seeing her son for the first time.**


End file.
